Respect is all I have to do~

Well , we haven't talked since the time I decided to do something stupid.
We only had a short conversation last night. But she left in a hurry. I guess she has a lot of anger within her.
I don't blame her .. I don't blame anyone. After all, I caused this problem, so why would I put the blame on someone who was innocent?
I'm not expecting anything good after this. I'm not expecting anything bad either.
Although, if she decides to "move on" , then I will respect that. If she decides to "let go" I will still respect that. After all people have their own opinions and we should respect those opinions.
I guess that's it for now~


~Sungminnie's Miinah~

Bad timing~

Ahh~ ssibal~
I said to myself last night that I won't have any communication whatsoever with Sarah O. Consehal I even told myself that I can do it.
It took me until this morning for me to realize that I was wrong .. So very very wrong~
Today ~ I purposely left the ring that she gave me. At first it was ok~ But the moment I stepped inside the classroom, my mind kept bugging me. Telling me that I forgot that special ring at home. Although I keep ignoring it, my mind kept telling me that I forgot it.
The minute the teacher waltzed inside the room ~ I forgot about it a bit. Maybe I was just distracted. To be honest that made me feel better because I could continue the mission I put up for myself~
The day went by pretty fast. It was the last subject that made me loose sight of my so-called mission. The subject was Arabic and the teacher kept saying 'Sarah' on and on and on and on~
I almost cried .. fuck~ Good thing I kept it in~
On my way home we had to pick up a couple of people who were staying in POIS .. I was listening to my and iPod when I turned my head to the right ..
There she was~ My heart was like "BOOM~" .. She didn't notice me but that's ok .. She looked like she was in a hurry~
This was a really bad time for my mission .. I regret it~
Although~ If I turn back now .. I will just prove to myself that I'm weak and cannot finish what I have started~
I don't want that .. So instead I will bear the aches and pain within me until 10:05 pm tonight~ Right now it's only around 4 o'clock in the afternoon~
I really hope I can make it till then~

~Sungminnie's Miinah~

Depression ~ -.-

omygosh~
For the past few days I've been feeling really really depressed. I have so much on my mind and there's so much I want to share to my friends to lighten up my feelings and my troubles. But I can't because they would just laugh at me or tell me that I'm being silly.
Like the time when I cried inside our classroom then my friends asked me why then I said "I'm just crying because I feel really sad about Heechul (of Super Junior) because he is an atheist.". They just laughed and told me "Wow! You're crying over something silly like that?". That sentence was like a dagger that went straight through my chest~
But mostly~ I'm depressed because I really miss her. Damn it~ Everytime we chat I pretend I'm ok , but behind the laughing emoticons is a bleeding,crying,sad and depressed heart. I haven't seen her in over a month now.
It's getting worse everyday. Sometimes I want to not have any kind of communication with her so that I could get used to not being with her.
I don't know what to do ~


~Sungminnie's Miinah~

Equality .. Is NOT a possibility~

Early in my life I found out that love, or anything else for that matter, can never be equal. One person may love the other person less while the other person loves the one person more than he would ever know. I just can't show my real feelings for I might just get hurt or get rejected or be thought about negatively by that one person. I try so hard to impress. But when I don't notice that one person's actions all I get is the 'silent treatment.' I don't want to live my life full of misguided expectations and broken dreams. I want to live my life to the fullest but I can't do it because of the obstacles that are in the way.
One of those obstacles are fear. One of the hardest obstacle to overcome. Fear of misguided attentions, lies, early judgement, misheard concepts, heart breaks, failure~
I can never enjoy my life if I continue to live like this. What if my time is tomorrow? What if it's today? What if it's 5 minutes after I post this blog? I still cannot decipher my life. I still don't know the many general truth that are within this world. One thing I know for sure is .. It's never equal~

~Sungminnie's Miinah~